Today marks the third morning in a row that I was unable to get back to sleep after being woken early, because I'm too excited by the prospect of Brad getting that job in Abbotsford! I'm exhausted--waking up at 5 am and just laying there, fully awake, brain refusing to shut off. Today Liam temporarily woke at 4 am, and guess who was awake ever since...
At about 6 am today Brad says to me, "Arg! I can't sleep because of that stupid interview!" We've got ourselves so worked up that we're starting to think we may have to move back regardless of the job status. We'll just make like you guys and get a minimum wage job to tide us over! Although it's a bit of a different situation--what with the 6000 km distance and all. Gets a bit pricey.
I realized, though, that we're doing the same thing we did when we decided we wanted to move to Nova Scotia: before anything was settled, before the university application was even approved, before we knew if any part of it was going to work, as much as we tried to keep it under wraps and say "if" and "maybe", we couldn't help but acting in our heart of hearts like it was already decided. Was it just lucky that it worked out after all, or was it foreknowledge? I actually do believe that our minds are more powerful and capable that we know--and that the more in tune with God we are, the more in tune with our own intellectual capabilities we are, including the ability to sense the future. So...beyond reason I find myself wanting to take our "it's already happening" attitude as a sign. It's a dangerous path, a slippery slope, one bound to at some point end in great disillusionment, so I'm stifling it as best I can--don't tell anyone else. I just can't help but see the connection and wonder...
So, this is our sad state right now. Excited, hopeful, and extremely tired! Brad told a new lady at church today that we're moving to BC, and I looked at him and said, "What happened to us not saying anything?" It is simply cruel that the initial contact from the nursery was made so close to the weekend that we have DAYS to wait painfully twiddling our thumbs, and thinking, thinking, THINKING!
It's been three mornings now. I'm hoping I'll have greater success tomorrow. Although if this constant tingly feeling of my stomach being in my throat is any indication, there's not much hope of that...
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| The view the day we left Chilliwack. I remember thinking I'd better soak it all in because I may never see those beautiful mountains again. |
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