So I remember when I was anticipating our move out here from E-town, I had complete anxiety about how I would I would feel when we finally had to leave. I worried that I would make a fool of myself saying "good bye" to friends (or acquaintances... did you know I was so sensitive?) or that I would cry so hard that I wouldn't be able to see the road. I even wondered if when it was actually time to leave if I would be able to go through with it.
And then... nothin'.
No tears, no grief, no excitement, no rush of memories... no nothing.
At the time, I wondered what kind of heartless animal this made me that I could drive away from our entire extended family, all of our closest friends and everything familiar without so much as a glance back.
Now looking back, I realize that it was pure exhaustion from the act of moving that swept the emotion right out of me. (Possibly much how you're feeling today?...) The loss came much later as the excitement wore off and the loneliness and unfamiliarity set in.
I'll be honest that this morning as we saw you off, I did brave one last glance back. And as I looked back and saw you & your precariously loaded trailer in front of your yellow house, I was filled with sorrow for our loss. Loss of friendship for Zed & Ev... loss of friendship for McG & MC... loss of friendship for us. One tiny cry escaped from my throat.
"Are we sad, Momma?" asks Zed sounding more concerned than a little boy should.
"Yes Zed... we're a little bit sad."
"We're sad that we won't see Bwad or Jacqui or Ev or McG?"
"Yes... we are sad that they are moving away and we won't see them anymore." I blink hard and cough.
"Yeah..." He sounds deflated. A moment passes and then he speaks up with a bit more pep, "But Momma... Jesus isn't sad."
"Ohhh... Jesus isn't sad?"
"Nope... Jesus isn't sad because he gets to go with them. Jesus can go with you when you move from Chillville to Noba Scotia." He does his "Zed laugh" and smiles bravely.
Water to my soul.
So Jacqui... while I have been secretly plotting our (unrealistic) move to Truroton, Zed reminded me of something. While our friendship and the love between our kidlings is completely irreplaceable, the void your move leaves us with is filled by the Maker of the Heavens.
And as I try to rid myself of selfishness and take my eyes off myself for a moment, I pray that you will sense God's presence with you from here to "Noba Scotia" and let him be your "all" in these next few months of uncertainty. He loves you.
You
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
~ Matt 11:28 ~
You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence...
~ Psalm 16:11 ~
Love, Jen
P.S. What's a little "stalking" between friends? You call it "stalking", I call it "growing our friendship"...
P.P.S. You are right about the "JC" thing... I am that holy.
P.P.P.S. Note to self - criteria for new last name...
1) Easy to pronounce
2) Does not rhyme with the first name of any of our family members
3) Two syllables long
4) Starts with the letter 'C'
1 comment:
I finally just had time to listen to that song. You ARE amazing. How did you find such an appropriate song? Although I'll wait for the follow-up video of you singing it. Doesn't come from the heart unless you sing it yourself.
ps how's that plant doing? ;)
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